Coping with the news
Finding out that I was going to be spending the (potential) next 12 weeks in the hospital was not easy news to take. Monday was a pretty difficult day trying to grapple with that information. Aside from the fear of something going wrong with Jack, there were a few things I was really struggling with.
One, we still have so much to do to prepare for Jack. We have no nursery furniture, just an empty room. We don't have our car seat or bassinet for when he comes home. We were going to spend Thursday looking at daycares and finding a pediatrician. All of that I thought I still had 14 weeks to do. While I know my amazing husband and family will make sure everything is ready, it's hard to know I won't be the one setting up the nursery and putting away all of the cute baby things as we get them.
Two, this is supposed to be my 10th year of teaching. Knowing that I won't be there to start the year with my new class is really hard. Especially because I'm not sure yet when I'll be joining them. My amazing school family set up my classroom and is already working on lesson plans for me. But teaching is much more than what I do. I feel like I'm letting down so many students and I worry about what this school year will be like for them. Of course, I know they'll be in wonderful hands while I'm gone, but it's definitely not how I envisioned my 10th year in the classroom.
Third, and this may seem silly to some, I miss my cats. Knowing that I won't get to cuddle with my kitties for possibly the next few months is difficult. I felt like bedrest wasn't going to be too bad from home knowing I could curl up on the couch with the fur babies. It's also hard knowing that when I do get to go home to them, I'll be bringing home an actual baby. I worry about what all of that will do to them.
Finally, it's really hard for me to be so dependent on other people. While Justin would argue that I've never had trouble asking him to do things, I pride myself on being pretty independent (sometimes stubbornly so). Not being able to do simple tasks like fill up my water, or heat up my food (both of which require a walk into the hallway) is really frustrating.
All of that being said, there are a million things that I'm grateful for. As tough as it is to be in the hospital, I know this is exactly where I need to be to ensure Jack & I stay healthy. The nurses and doctors are amazing. We are blessed by amazing friends and family to take care of us, Jack, and all of the little things in life that need taking care of.
One, we still have so much to do to prepare for Jack. We have no nursery furniture, just an empty room. We don't have our car seat or bassinet for when he comes home. We were going to spend Thursday looking at daycares and finding a pediatrician. All of that I thought I still had 14 weeks to do. While I know my amazing husband and family will make sure everything is ready, it's hard to know I won't be the one setting up the nursery and putting away all of the cute baby things as we get them.
Two, this is supposed to be my 10th year of teaching. Knowing that I won't be there to start the year with my new class is really hard. Especially because I'm not sure yet when I'll be joining them. My amazing school family set up my classroom and is already working on lesson plans for me. But teaching is much more than what I do. I feel like I'm letting down so many students and I worry about what this school year will be like for them. Of course, I know they'll be in wonderful hands while I'm gone, but it's definitely not how I envisioned my 10th year in the classroom.
Third, and this may seem silly to some, I miss my cats. Knowing that I won't get to cuddle with my kitties for possibly the next few months is difficult. I felt like bedrest wasn't going to be too bad from home knowing I could curl up on the couch with the fur babies. It's also hard knowing that when I do get to go home to them, I'll be bringing home an actual baby. I worry about what all of that will do to them.
Finally, it's really hard for me to be so dependent on other people. While Justin would argue that I've never had trouble asking him to do things, I pride myself on being pretty independent (sometimes stubbornly so). Not being able to do simple tasks like fill up my water, or heat up my food (both of which require a walk into the hallway) is really frustrating.
All of that being said, there are a million things that I'm grateful for. As tough as it is to be in the hospital, I know this is exactly where I need to be to ensure Jack & I stay healthy. The nurses and doctors are amazing. We are blessed by amazing friends and family to take care of us, Jack, and all of the little things in life that need taking care of.
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